Nightclub creep and borderline sexual harasser, Alex Chutney, has claimed that, in spite of his overly touchy and invasive approach to seduction being a complete and utter failure, he doesn’t plan to change.
“The ladies actually love me and I’ve always been a big hit with them,” he unconvincingly claimed. “I mean, they might deny that with their facial expressions, words, tone of voice, body language and restraining orders, but secretly, they love it.”
Alex claims that his singular approach, while it hasn’t gotten him any actual women, has been met with praise by his equally pathetic friends. “The guys look at me, there’s no denying it. I’ve actually talked to some of these girls and gotten physical with four of them. Three of those were faceslaps but one was a pitying pat on the head. I’m counting that as a victory.”
The social skills that Alex claims to employ in his seduction “hark back to the time when men were men, it’s primal, it’s charged and it’s very sexual. I like to do a lot of quietly creeping up behind a dancing girl and lean my crotch into the small of her back. What women could resist that?”
“I also like to invade their personal space, they might grimace and squirm as if they don’t like it, but if you get close enough that they can smell both your manly sweat and breath, then they’ll find you irresistible.”
However some of the women who Alex has attempted to approach in nightclubs insist that he’s “nothing more than a smelly, socially retarded, cretin” and a “horned up pathetic mess who I wouldn’t be surprised to discover wanked to pictures of garden gnomes.”
“Why would I change when it’s working,” asked Alex. “On holidays I was with loads of girls, pretty ones too, from France. You wouldn’t know them.”
Alex insists though that he’ll never change and will always attempt to liven up any party or nightclub with his cringe worthy and borderline offensive method of seduction claiming that he “can’t wait til I’m fifty so I can approach much younger girls and try to impress them with my bulging waistline, gold medallion and money.”
