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January 11, 2014
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Raver Left Disgruntled After Club Security Refused To Let Him Pose In The DJ Booth

A raver was left disgruntled this week after club security denied him access to the DJ booth.

The man, Michael Ellis, 27, from Sunderland, Tyne and Wear, was described as “apoplectic with rage” after the security informed him that no-one without a pass could go up the stairs in Digital Nightclub, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, and that he would have to remain on the dance floor with his peers.

“He looked really angry,” said one observer. “He just sauntered up towards the stairs, casual as you like, and made to go up them. That’s when he was stopped by the bouncer.”

Despite explaining that accompanying random DJs behind the decks was a frequent pastime of his, the security would not budge.

“I was just having a good night, letting the effects of the alcohol sink in while the warm up person was on,” explained Mr. Ellis. “Normally I’ll go up into to the DJ booth just after the headliner has started playing, stand next to him, whisper jokes in his ear between mixes, and just generally loiter around for the duration of his set.”

“I was a bit shocked they wouldn’t let me through. I mean, all I wanted to do was go and stand behind the DJ, you know, just a couple of inches behind him, and gaze out across the dance floor,” he continued. “I’ve become so accomplished at this recently that I’ve even stopped spilling frothy Carlsberg on the mixer and elbowing the DJ in the back. I tried to explain this, but the security still wouldn’t let me in.”

“What is our EDM scene coming to if we, the ravers, the lifeblood of the party, can’t go up and jostle for space behind the decks so we can pose and feel important?”

Digital issued a brief statement on the matter last night, telling us that their staff are trained to not allow semi-mortal morons to impede the DJ. “If people want to be idiotic,” the club manager told us stonily, “there is a place they can do this freely. It’s called the dance floor, and that’s what it’s there for after all.”

Meanwhile, Mr Ellis said that he had no desire to stop harassing DJs in the middle of doing their job. “I mean, it’s just so cool being up there,” he positively beamed. “You can see across the entire dance floor. They look so small down there. It’s almost like the DJ radiates this vibe, this sort of hip coolness, and being up there allows you to siphon some of it off onto yourself before it reaches the dance floor. That, for me, is what raving is all about these days.”

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