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January 13, 2014
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Experienced Clubber Resigned To The Fact That Ecstasy Pills Will Never Be As Good As They Used To Be

An aging clubber has spoken to Wunderground about how he has finally learned to accept the fact that ecstasy tablets will “never be as good as they were back in the day.”

Brian Fairfield, a 32 year old self described “old school raver”, said that he has struggled with the quality of pills for years but has decided to give up moaning that they’re not as good as they were in the past and “just accept that it’ll never be the same.”

“It’ll be a tough transition. I’ve always kind of held onto the belief that maybe this next pill will be amazing and will take me back to those first few times I took the drug,” explained Brian. “But after years of disappointment I just can’t face doing that anymore. It’s too soul crushing.”

Brian claims that since the penny dropped he “cries himself to sleep at night” knowing that he’ll never be able to recapture those first life changing experiences with ecstasy as a result of the drop in quality of the party drug.

“I don’t want to be one of those guys who is always moaning about how pills were better in the old days,” continued Brian, “but pills were better in the old days.”

“Mitsubishis, doves, those were pills you could believe in. They were the high watermark for me,” enthused Brian. “Now there’s so many different stamps and shapes but they’re all shit.”

Brian claims that he has tried everything to “source decent pills” but after years of searching and trying different methods of ingestion to recreate the feelings he got from the pills from his past but nothing has worked.

“I’ve tried it all over the years,” offered Brian. “I’ve tried double and triple dropping, snorting, shoving one up my arse, shoving two up my arse. Nothing has worked, I’m always just left with a vaguely wired buzz and a mild waft of shit emanating from my fingertips. Which is the last thing you want.”

Brian says that in spite of the disappointment he is feeling he has no immediate plans to give up clubbing. “God no, how could you give up clubbing? I’d rather kill myself, or get married and have kids, which amounts to the same thing.”

“No, I’ll probably just learn to grimly accept my lot in life and wait patiently for the inexorable coming of death or the return of good pills, whichever comes first.”

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