A Definitive Guide To Sonus Festival: Club Guide
Danny Dwyer here again, time to open your ears for another piece of festival information that’s more precious than a fist sized lump of gold made out of diamonds. This time we’re talking clubs. Sonus isn’t like your normal festival where you’re stuck out in a field, in the rain and sleeping in a tent that resembles a paddling pool. It’s a lot more sophisticated than that, it’s held in three delicious clubs, which are all right on the beach, and a number of top notch boat parties. Not too shabby!
My personal favourite club was Aquarius, it’s well luxurious, kind of what I’d imagine James Bond’s house would look like, if James Bond was into banging tunes and willing to drink something other than a Martini, shaken not stirred, for a change. The reason I liked it so much was because I managed to blag my way into the super-lush VIP section, it’s proper nice in there, there’s so many cosy places to chill out. I went there on the first night and I was still pretty tired from Odyssey-esque epic journey. I decided to hang out in one of the little pool house cabanas and listen to some nice chilled beats. It was so nice that I nodded off for a few minutes. I’m a bit of a sleep walker, especially when I’m really tired and drunk, which I was, and apparently I stood up on the table, stripped myself bollock naked and went for a little night amble. Usually my sleep walking ends up with me pissing in a wardrobe but luckily my path was blocked by a massive swimming pool, which I fell into. It was a bit of a rude awakening but definitely not as embarrassing as getting thrown out for relieving myself in the cloak room. Still though, Aquarius is awesome, definitely go there just not when you’re really tired.
I decided I’d have to stay away from Aquarius for a couple of days on account of having had my nob out on the first day so on day two I went to see what was happening in Kalypso. It’s another absolutely banging club where you can party while you’re having the best time of your life at Sonus festival. This place has some of the best cocktails I’ve ever tasted. You could even say they’re too nice and way too easy to drink. After having about fifteen strawberry daiquiris in just under two hours I thought I might be best off drinking some water. Unfortunately in my current state I wasn’t really thinking straight and I decided that the best way to do that was by diving head first into the swimming pool and drinking as much as I could. What is it with me and swimming pools? I must have swallowed about two litres of pool water before my friend finally managed to pull me out. I had to be taken to hospital to have my stomach pumped, they said that much chlorine could have killed me but I don’t believe them, I can handle my drink. As soon as they let me out I headed straight back to Kalypso to wash the taste of chlorine out of my mouth with some lovely Black Russians. Definitely check Kalypso out, just make sure you stick to the drinks they’ve got on the drink menu.
On the third day I was knackered, I think it was a mixture of exhaustion, chlorine and embarrassment, so I decided to have a lazy day and stayed in my apartment but on the fourth day I was well rested and buzzing to get myself into Papaya. This place is totally amazing, it’s got a huge stage that was apparently originally built as some sort of giant satellite dish that’s capable of sending live streams of the festival into space so the lads on the International Space Station can have something to listen to, it’s that big. After about eight or nine too many Stellas I decide I wanted to go have a closer look at the satellite dish, naturally I blagged my way into the backstage area and started to climb up the lighting rig. About half way up I noticed a really hot bird in the crowd, just at the front to the left, I was so busy looking at her that I forgot I was thirty feet in the air and let go of the bars. Luckily for me Ricardo Villalobos was playing, he’s notoriously strong and has the reflexes of Bengal Tiger so he just plucked me straight out of the air and threw me back into the crowd like a cake at a Steve Aoki show. I landed right beside the hot bird, I tried talking to her but she just ignored me, I’m guessing she she didn’t speak English. Papaya is totally banging, all the biggest DJs play down there so you’re guaranteed to have a great time whenever you decide to check it out, just try and stay in the designated crowd areas.
Every year I try finish up the festival with a boat party but having spent the majority of my money on airplane tickets, hospital bills and cocktails I was a little bit light on funds to buy a ticket. This is where twelve years spent in scouts could have come in handy, unfortunately for me I always thought the scouts was for muppets and I spent twelve years pretending to go, spending the money on smokes and hanging around train stations. I made myself a little raft and set sail to intercept one of the boat parties, the perfect crime? Wrong, my raft didn’t last five minutes, I ended up drifting in the Adriatic Sea for about four hours clinging onto an empty six litre water bottle. Eventually I was picked up by a boat, not a party boat, a fishing trawler bound for Venice. They let me stay on as long as I helped the crew. It was a total disaster. Still though, best weekend of my life.
