Phillipa Narse, the public face of PAFT (Parents Against Fun Times) has claimed today that Acid House can cause flashbacks if listened to on a regular basis.
The shocking claims were made today amid fears of a revival of 90’s Acid House which has been stimulated by culture’s insistence on cyclically regurgitating everything it has ever done prior to this point.
Experts in the field, who say they have been in the field for about three weeks now, unable to find their way home due to being in an extreme state of disrepair from “partying hard”, claim that this is very unlikely.
However, they have not entirely ruled out the possibility. “Listen, anything is possible. I’m not going to say Acid-House doesn’t cause flashbacks. Every once in a while, I get these horrible memories of being in a club in Camden in the 90’s, sweating my jaw off. The memories just appear out of nowhere, and at really inappropriate times. Like when I’m trying to make sweet love to my woman, or talking to my parents about politics, or trying to listen to some good music. What I mean by good music is, of course, anything but Acid House.”
He continued, “What I will say is that these flashbacks aren’t caused by the music, but rather by the fact that I spent most of the 90’s in a ditch just outside London, tripping Balzac. At least, that’s what I remember of it…”
In response, PAFT have released a statement which claims it can scientifically link the genre with flashbacks. When asked to provide this proof, Phillipa Narse began shouting hysterically “We want a rational debate! Fuck anyone who doesn’t want a rational debate!” whilst waving a piece of paper around with the word “science” written on it.
PAFT are due to bring the findings before the High Court in an effort to have Acid House banned, which both sides of the debate agree can only be a good thing.
Oh, Wunderground, you make up the best ‘news’!