It has today been revealed that Dutch EDM marketing expert and Paris Hilton conquest Afrojack has bought a remote Pacific island for the purposes of redirecting the taxes from his earnings.
The 6ft tall EDM star joins other tax evaders like Jimmy Carr, Google and any rock star alive in setting up an offshore tax haven so that they’re tax money contributes as little to society as Afrojack’s bland electro music.
“I got the idea from Irish pop tart Bono,” Afrojack told Obscene Opulence magazine in a report on the world’s highest earning “DJs” that also included Calvin Harris and a jukebox. “Bono said he never pays taxes if he can avoid it so buys himself remote islands where he can create tax laws that are favourable to his band.”
“He also gave me the idea to name it Afroca after telling me that if you do some piecemeal charity work and harp on about the problems in crap parts of the world like Africa, which the exploitative capitalist system that we’re part of is largely responsible for shafting, then you can get away with funneling your money off shore to spend on private jets, wraparound sunglasses and Papal visits.”
“I met Bono at a Catholic sunglasses convention where my iPod was DJing and he informed me that taxes are easily avoidable if you buy an island as a tax haven, I think his exact words to describe the type of island was somewhere where the streets have no name,” he added.
“So I bought a small isle off the coast of one of those foreign countries in the Pacific where people don’t matter and they don’t understand money,” he continued giddily. “Wiping out the indigenous population was surprisingly simple using the terrifying sounds of my last album, and guns.”
Afrojack will live in Afroca for two thirds of the year and has already begun inviting other EDM stars to set up companies on the island provided “they pay a small fee” that can be used to make sure the island is fully stocked with all the latest recording equipment for a hired team of engineers to make the records.
