Dutch EDM duo Blasterjaxx have declared bankruptcy after a costly marketing campaign which saw them rise an astronomical fifty eight places in this year’s DJ Mag Top 100 DJs poll.
Blasterjaxx, a.k.a. Thom Jongkind and Idir Makhlaf, made the heart wrenching decision after incurring debts of over €5.5 million in the months leading up to the Top 100 DJs announcement and now face an uphill struggle to gain from their surprise number thirteen ranking.
“We knew moving so far up the rankings was going to be expensive,” claimed Thom earlier today, “but we never expected to be sitting here at number thirteen, flat broke and living in Afrojack’s basement, it kind of feels like we’re taking a step backwards considering two years ago we were sitting here unknown, flat broke and living in Afrojack’s basement.”
“There are just so many hidden costs to being successful these days,” added Idir. “It’s not just marketing, there are expenses everywhere, especially in generating interest on social media sites. We actually had to spend three weeks walking around Mexico City with iPads swapping silver dollars for Facebook likes, if I ever see another shot of tequila, burrito or dead drugs mule I’ll be likely to punch someone.”
Blasterjaxx have come to an out of court settlement, believed to be somewhere in the region of €3.6 million, with creditors after liquidating all of their assets, including a selection of studio equipment, a large property portfolio, a three meter tall cast iron statue of Tiësto, a bag of David Guetta’s hair, Lance Armstrong’s amputated testicle, four hundred and eight liters of untreated raw sewage and an unopened box of Kinder Buenos.
“We just spent our last €4 on a couple of double cheese burgers and now we’ve literally got nothing left,” sobbed Thom. “Doing well in the DJ Mag poll is supposed to make you not break you. We’re getting all of these offers for gigs but we’ve sold our entire music collection and at the moment we just can’t afford to buy it back.”
“We were going to just download everything again off Zippyshare,” admitted Idir, “but while the average EDM fan won’t be able to tell the difference in quality between an illegally downloaded tune and one that was bought we really don’t want to be showing up at gigs with a second hand USB full of poor quality music.”
“God knows EDM sounds bad enough as it is, the last thing promoters want is us showing up and playing MP3 files converted from Youtube videos.”
According to sources close to Blasterjaxx the pair are believed to be negotiating a deal with SFX Entertainment which will see the duo sell their souls for a “quick buck” and “non-lasting success” in the music industry, similar to deals made with David Guetta and Hardwell in recent years.