An English woman, who has spent most of today recovering from a hectic weekend, has come to the shocking realisation that there is only another eight raves left until Christmas.
Nancy Smith, a part time club promoter and full time layabout, operates a strict one rave per week system, usually starting on Friday night and ending sometime in the early hours of Sunday morning.
London based Smith(25) has become so embroiled in the local rave scene that days, weeks and months seem to have little or no relevance to her and she now operates on a yearly calender consisting of fifty two raves, only broken up by money day (the day she collects her unemployment benefit) and rave eve, otherwise known as Tuesday and Thursday.
“I can’t believe there’s only eight raves left until Christmas,” gasped Smith shortly after getting out of bed at five o’clock this evening. “I’m not prepared for it at all this year. I remember three years ago I had all my shopping done ten raves before Christmas but it just seems to have crept up this year.”
“Luckily enough Christmas is on a rave eve this year so that means there’s nine money days left,” she continued. “That means I get to spend all of my money raving and I’ll still have money to go and do my shopping on the last money day before Christmas.”
Ms. Smith, who has also devised her own currency – known as Garys – by dividing her weekly unemployment benefit by the price of an ecstasy tablet, has a number of family members to shop for the in the days preceding Christmas.
“I get paid roughly about fifteen Garys a week and I’ve to buy presents for my parents, my brother and his three kids so that’s six people all together,” devised Ms. Smith. “So I can spend about two Garys on each person and still leave myself with a few Garys for myself.”
“I’ll probably have to miss the rave straight after Christmas unless someone gives me a few Garys in an envelope as a present,” she concluded hopefully.
Unconfirmed reports that Boris Johnson is set to propose the “Rave Calender” to Parliament have been rubbished after David Cameron claimed he’d “never know what day of the week it was” as the raves he goes to “often go on for four or five days”.