An ageing DJ who claims to have shagged “over a thousand tens” has admitted that he will eventually have to start shagging “nines or even eights” eventually.
Larry Murphy, a.k.a. DJ Lady Killer, reckons he has another “two or three years” at the top of his shag game and will eventually have to make sacrifices in his life.
“I’ve had a pretty good run at it if I’m being honest with you,” claimed Murphy earlier. “I mean look at me, I’m hardly what you would call classically handsome, If I wasn’t a DJ, over the course of my life, I probably would have shagged one, maybe two, tens, tops, but thanks to the fact I’m good and picking tunes and I’m able to mix them together I’ve managed to shag over a thousand.”
“I’ve got nothing to complain about but I’m getting a bit older and I know that, eventually, I’ll have to slightly lower my standards,” continued the DJ. “I shagged a couple of nines last summer to ease myself in but it didn’t really work out because it was at the same time so they were actually a combined eighteen.”
“I reckon I can still pull tens for another two or three years at the best so I will try to introduce some nines, one at a time, in that time frame,” revealed Murphy. “I’m going to start to drink a bit more and take extra drugs to help ease the process. The scary thing is I know I’ll eventually have to shag some eights, I’m really worried about it, I’ve never stooped that low and I’m not sure if I’m going to be up for the job in hand.”
“My only other option is to cause some permanent damage to my eyes, that way I can still imagine that I’m shagging tens all the time but I’d also be blind so I’m just not sure what I’m going to do.”
According to our research, nine out ten tens, nines and eights said they would have no interest in sleeping with Mr Murphy, until we told them he was a famous DJ, at which point they all seemed to realise they actually thought he was a bit of alright.