In a surprising move by the World Heritage Association, or the WHA, alcohol is set to be officially named as the eighth wonder of the world.
The decision was made earlier this week at the WHA’s annual general meeting and moves have already been made to put alcohol on par with some of the planet’s most recognisable man made features.
WHA spokesperson Bernie Steinberg spoke to Wunderground, “We’ve been looking to expand the wonders of the world beyond the seven we currently have for a long time now. We looked at a number of sites but we just don’t feel that any of them were up to the standard of what we’ve already got.”
“So we made a call and decided that the wonders don’t necessarily have to be a geographical location, they could be a man made product just as easy,” continued Steinberg, a chief shareholder in Smirnoff vodka. ”This opened up all kind of possibilities for us and eventually we narrowed it down to four; fire, the wheel, sliced bread and alcohol. After much deliberation we finally decided to go with alcohol and I think it’s fair to say that it’s a fitting addition to the wonders.”
“When we look at the impact that alcohol has had on the planet since the ancient tribes of Europe first fermented berries, making a very primitive version of an alcopop, it’s clear that alcohol has had more of an evolutionary influence on the human species than any of the other options,” claimed Steinberg. “Some people might think this is a strange decision and claim that alcohol causes more damage than it does good, to those people I’d say ‘shut up you hippies’ alcohol companies pay their taxes, it’s not like they’re drug dealers.”
“And it’s also responsible for an equal number of deaths and births so it’s helped keep population growth steady for millennia.”
According to rumours, WHA are set to expand the number of wonders to twenty and will continue to add one new wonder every year until they reach that number, with cigarettes, crisps and petrol favourites to be the next addition.
