American Man On Ecstasy Swallows Own Face

A man from the United States has reportedly swallowed his own face while on ecstasy.

Local reports claim that the incident, which has been dubbed “headmouth”, happened at the man’s home in Gasket, Pennsylvania sometime late last night.

The man, pictured moments before the incident, was taken to his local hospital where he is expected to make a full recovery, however doctors can confirm the nameless man will remain without a face.

Some witnesses to the incident described the events which lead to the tragedy. “We had gotten a bag of pills from our local dealer, Shady Dave. Jaw Breakers, he called them. (The victim) double dropped two halves,” said his friend, and another witness to the tragedy that has devastated this close knit community and one man’s face. “By which, I mean, he dropped one.”

“Pretty soon he was off his face. Like, well off it. We could do nothing as his face began to disappear inside his mouth like some kind of human ouroborus,” his friend said, visibly shaken from the events. “He kept humming the jaws theme tune as his whole face disappeared. By the end, he was more jaw than man.”

“It was like looking at a video of a black hole made out of human face or how a video of someone taking a shit would look if you reversed it to have the lump of brown arse-danger retract back up into the anus.”

“That didn’t stop him from taking more pills though, he just became more creative with how he ingested them. He attempted popping one in his ear, but I stopped him before he had the chance.”

“By this stage, we were really worried, as he was in danger of swallowing himself whole. We called an ambulance, and they managed to use a sterile surgical vice-grips to clamp his jaw in place before it could do any more damage.”

Doctors say the lack of a face may seriously hamper the man’s intended career choice as the front man of a band, claiming having a face is a necessary requirement for such work despite the success of Barry Manilow.

The faceless man, who wishes to remain nameless so that he is not recognised in the street, has however been offered a role in Face/Off the musical on Broadway, where he is expected to give a better performance than either John Travolta or Nicolas Cage, despite lacking a face with which to act.