Sperm banks all over America have announced that they are paying three times their normal rate for DJ jizz, due to a huge demand for the viscous fluid.
Annabelle Yackov, of the Baltimore Sperm Society, claimed that the demand for DJ sperm is currently far outweighing the supply and they are currently turning away “around ten women everyday” who are adamant on conceiving a DJ’s child.
“It’s crazy,” confirmed Annabelle. “We haven’t seen demand for sperm like this since astronauts became a thing. It seems that everyone wants their child to be fathered by a DJ and we simply don’t have enough DJ jizz in our banks to meet the demand. It’s not just here in Baltimore either, it’s a nationwide shortage, we’re calling upon all DJs to become donors and help fulfill somebody’s dreams.”
According to the latest statistics, DJ jizz is currently worth almost one hundred thousand dollars per barrel, making it two thousand times more valuable than oil.
“DJing is already quite a lucrative job,” claimed economist Barry Williams. “Now not only will DJs be able to make money by performing but they’ll also be able to sell their jizz at an extremely good price. Who knows, DJ Jizz may even be floated on the stock exchange someday, who knows how high its value could go?”
It is estimated that DJ’s produce up to two barrels of jizz every year, meaning they could add an extra two hundred thousand dollars onto their annual income.
Wunderground spoke to Scottish DJ Jamie Roy, “I had no idea,” claimed Jamie. “Up until now I’ve not been very careful with my jizz, I’ve been throwing it away in johnnies, letting birds swallow it, splashing it on their tits and faces and even flushing it down the toilet on tissues. I didn’t realise it was so valuable, I’ll be a lot more careful in the future.”
