An angry skinhead has rubbished the popular theory that the front left is the best place to stand in a nightclub, claiming that the far right is a much better place to be.
Dieter Walhammer, known locally as a cunt, claims that he likes to go so far right that he’s almost outside of the club.
“The far right is the only place for me,” claimed Dieter earlier today. “I like to get right up to the walls and just stand there away from all of the other plebs in the middle and on the left enjoying themselves. The far right is just the way I like it, not much fun and full of other people just like me. it’s also a great place to go to shout and let off steam.”
“There’s never any foreigners over there, they’re always too busy dancing and enjoying the vibes in the middle, the daft cunts, and you very rarely get any poofs or trannys either, they much prefer the left,” claimed Dieter. “Sometimes, I kind of want to go back over and see what it’s like in the middle but then I look at my mates and I remember I’m angry about something or other and I stay where I am.”
“If I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t even really like clubbing, I just want people to see me standing on the far right and think ‘oh look at him, doesn’t he look edgy’,” continued the skinhead. “The truth is I’m about as edgy as a balloon. I’m actually just a pathetic moron, who shouldn’t really have an opinion on anything because I know fuck all and instead of trying to learn about stuff I just kind of try to force my own stupid beliefs on other people.”
“Like, when you think about it, why would standing all the way over on the far right be the best place to be? It’s so stupid, you can’t even hear the music over there or anything,” admitted Dieter. “I suppose the real reason I go there is because I want to be different but I’m just a bit too stupid to think of any other way to express myself. Oh well, fuck it, at least I save time in the morning because I don’t have to brush my hair.”