The boffins at Apple HQ in California have finally decided to give the people what they really want with their latest product. After decades of customers incessantly running out of battery in a matter of seconds, Apple have decided to release a phone that features just 1% battery life to try and cut out the middle man.
As many frustrated customers already know, the magical 1% can last a lot longer than the other 99% put together. Apple believe this revolutionary new battery capacity will allow users to spend less time charging their phones and more time caring for each other.
Apple spokesperson, Steven Bannerman, said –
After much in-depth research, the innovation and design team have decided to release a brand new iPhone with a maximum battery capacity of 1%. After all, that’s what people’s battery power is most of the time anyway. We decided that instead of creating a better battery, why not flip the script and go for LESS battery power. We like to think outside the box here at Apple and it’s obvious so do our customers. Why bother having ample battery like with a Samsung when you can be constantly scratching around all day looking for a power supply?
Apple’s move into the ‘less is more’ battery market has baffled their competitors, though some blinkered customers still seem to think the company can do no wrong.
Avid Apple addict, Drewe McConnell, said –
It’s good to see that Apple are aware of our consumer needs and are reacting appropriately. I love having 1% battery as it’s a fun game to see how long it will last. Who needs ‘Snake’ when you’ve got ‘Oh fuck I’ve only got 1% left AGAIN!’? Thankfully I’ve fashioned a USB charger into a keyring, so now I can top up whilst on the move. It’s great, I only have to plug it in 4-5 times in 24 hours to get a full days usage.
Prices for the ‘Apple 1%’ will start at £700 for the phone alone, with unnecessary additional accessories, such as chargers, starting at a very competitively priced £100.
