Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has begun catering for the clubbing industry with a new generation of asthma inhalers, in a move being described as ‘groundbreaking’, ‘pioneering’, and ‘totally fucking moronic’.
The inhalers, we’re told, will spray doses of vaporised ecstasy alongside ordinary asthma relief, with four sprays reportedly being roughly equivalent to ‘a fat slug of a line’.
Department spokesperson Ricky Yin recounts for us the genesis of the idea: “It all started really when Barry, our department head for the Development of Asthma Cure and Relief, came in to work enduring what he described as a ‘devastating comedown’ after having been to Fabric the night before.”
“Barry is asthmatic himself and spent the whole day moaning about having to bring along both his inhaler and a half gram bag,” went on Ricky, “and the rest,” he chuckled, his facial emotions juggling pride and burning shame, “is history.”
Reports from asthmatic ravers using the revolutionary new device have been largely positive, with the main basis of praise appearing to be the ease by which one can get it inside the club. “It’s totally easy to get my drugs into raves now,” declares hardcore partygoer and severe asthmatic Dave ‘the Anchor’ Ashby.
“The bouncers see my inhaler, look inside it and pass it off as fine. Even when, as is admittedly becoming increasingly more frequent, one of the bouncers asks whether it’s ‘one of them MD ones’, I can simply say no,” he laughs, “it’s so easy! On the rare occasion they are fully aware it is what it is, I can simply take them to the nearest pharmacy and prove to them I’m asthmatic and have it prescribed. They wouldn’t send me in without my medication!”
Dave, who has been refused entry to only five of the last eight nights he’s planned on attending is just one of many satisfied asthmatic clubbers, and a testimony to the success of Pfizer’s latest product.
