A whistle blower former employee of Coachella festival today made the startling claim that in all the videos and photos taken at the California festival “huge swathes of the audience were photoshopped in” to make the festival appear better attended.
“There was hardly anyone there except a couple of people wandering around looking confused,” claimed the whistle blowing insider blowing the whistle. “It was like a ghost town, or a crap birthday party.”
“Those people that did attend were left slightly embarrassed and most had gone home by the final day,” added the source who claims that all of the media attendees were forced to seek approval from Coachella for the publishing of any pics from the event.
“When I got back the footage it was obvious it had been doctored,” claimed Pulse Radio correspondent Mark Adams who says that in the above shot there was only about three rows of people standing around scratching their arms and looking bored and vaguely bashful. “There was never that many people in attendance and they weren’t all that skinny and impossible beautiful either, and none of them were having a good time.”
“To make the festival appear better attended they used the same CGI technique that popular fantasy shows like Game of Thrones use for battle scenes or Mad Men uses for alcohol,” continued the insider. “Except instead of multiplying endless rows of dudes holding swords or tumblers of Scotch, they used row upon row of girls in brightly coloured cut-off shorts replete with kandi and headdresses.”
“Coachella is so last year, it’s just outdated – like faded blue jeans, being debt free or having a milk man,” claimed one observer who actually attended the flagging event. “The world’s moved on, somebody tell Coachella.”
As an indicator of the dire straits that the festival was in it emerged in the weeks leading up to the event that celebrities had been approached with offers of free festival tickets and luxury packages to attend in an effort to popularise the festival and boost ticket sales.
“Some of the celebrities who did attend such as Corey Feldman, Randy Quaid and Dennis Rodman were actually photoshopped out of the final promo material,” concluded the source, “because I know for a fact that Dennis Rodman was on stage with Calvin Harris performing a tribute to his friend and hipster-hair inventor Kim Jong-Un.”
Coachella have so far denied to respond to the accusations.
i was there, it was super packed lol i wish they would sell less tickets tbh