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Pub Chain Wetherspoons Now Serving Actual Piss

Pub Chain Wetherspoons Now Serving Actual Piss

UK pub chain Wetherspoons, popularly known as a “bit of a kip but cheap” with a reputation for serving cheaply priced drinks, has begun serving actual piss to customers.

Health officials who inspected pints of lager in ten Wetherspoons locations across the UK reported concentrations of urine in the samples.

A Wetherspoons spokesperson said that it was part of a new cost saving initiative that the chain was running and that most customers “hadn’t even noticed they were drinking piss”.

“”It’s actually nicer than most of the ciders and lagers they serve,” claimed regular Wetherspoons customer and drinker of piss Andrew Thomas. “It’s invigorating and dry – like ice cold lemonade or the wit of Oscar Wilde.”

“What they were serving before was basically disguised piss,” continued Andrew, “so now that they’ve honestly stated they serve piss I’ve got to commend them on their integrity, and the quality of their home brewed scrumpy urine.”

The piss comes in a host of different flavours and strengths according to the Wetherspoons website ranging from strawberry and lemon to post-sex semen-infused man piss and, ladies favourite, menstrual piss.

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“They’ve got non-alcoholic piss extracted from teetotallers as well as the murky, heady piss of habitual alcoholics,” explained Andrew. “It’s thick and cloudy with a strong after taste.”

Andrew claimed that the chain also do a free top ups scheme where they’ll let you piss out the piss you’ve just drunk into a frosted glass and that, for a mere £1.50 you can drink the piss of a barperson of your choice.

Wetherspoons conclude by informing customers that the piss is available in all of their chains and to always drink piss responsibly, over ice with a little umbrella in it, and not straight from the toilet or a person’s genitals.

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