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Christian folk-hero and walking metaphor, Jesus Christ, would have been “well into the trance scene” if he were alive today, claim senior figures within the Vatican. “He’d have loved it, he was

A young man on ecstasy has finally managed to urinate after spending a mere two hours hovering above the toilet, quietly willing the piss to seep out of his contracted bladder. David

A jobless alcoholic has today become a support DJ in what he sees as a clever trick to get free drinks. “For most people the job of support DJ, offering as it

An American inventor has been lauded today after coming up with a new type of watch which informs stoners what day of the week it is. “For decades stoners have been walking

46-year-old mother of three and vehement anti-drug campaigner Anne Wilson has today begun an initiative to make all ecstasy tablets taste like Brussel’s sprouts in the hope that they stop taking them

A tech-house producer has today discovered a novel use for his latest, mind-numbingly bland production attempts – to put crying babies to sleep at night. “I had been having trouble getting my

Clubbers and festival goers around the world are unanimous in their delight at the size of smartphone screens – which they claim make them perfect flat surfaces for snorting cocaine. “I have

A clubber who claimed that he was taking an extended break from the club and party scene has managed to shock everyone by lasting a world record equalling two weeks without going

A group of ravers were given a bit of a shock at a party yesterday morning when an unsuspecting member of their group accidentally opened the curtains – letting in the dawn