Clubber Claims He’s “Taking A Break From Party Scene” – Lasts World Record Two Weeks
A clubber who claimed that he was taking an extended break from the club and party scene has managed to shock everyone by lasting a world record equalling two weeks without going out and getting wrecked.
32-year-old Andrew Morley, who got the idea of cutting down on drinking and drugs when he accidentally didn’t do either for 5 days of anti-biotics and reportedly felt “amazing and clearheaded”, has today been lauded for his record beating attempt at staying off the session.
“I had my fourth chest infection of the year and so had to take a treatment of powerful antibiotics on which I wasn’t allowed drink any booze,” explained Andrew. “I tell ya what, it’s a bit crazy but not drinking for a few days is actually good for ya, you feel brilliant after it. Not as brilliant as drinking and doing coke, obviously, but a kind of light brilliant, like you felt when you were a kid.”
Andrew continues by saying that for the last few years he’s been “tearing the absolute arse” out of the session by clubbing every weekend either in his home city of Dublin or at various festivals across Europe and in Ibiza.
“Weirdly though I started to feel all sluggish, depressed and anxious,” explained Andrew. “I thought I was just getting old but some friends who used to be always on the party until they had a kid and so are now only on the party half the time, explained that I might be just wrecked from the constant partying.”
“I had my doubts but said ‘fuck it, why not’ and made plans to take a break from everything for a few months, envisioning myself feeling buoyant and healthy while engaged in a quiet life of creative contemplation,” explained Andrew. “But after about a week I started to feel healthy in my body again and not hungover but once this healthy feeling thing was there it started to get boring and I got sick again, coming down with a massive case of FOMO.”
Afflicted with what doctors have described as a terminal case of FOMO Andrew was forced to go back on the session, a whopping two weeks after he promised himself a break – the longest time anyone’s pithy declaration of “taking it easy this weekend” has ever lasted.
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