Bedroom Producer Thinks Laptop Counts As Home Studio

A wannabe EDM producer from Kansas City, Missouri, has claimed to have installed a “state of the art home studio” after buying a second hand laptop and downloading a cracked copy of Ableton.

Stan Kovac, a.k.a. Bang Crozby, claims the laptop in question, a Hewlett Packard that runs Windows 2000, is all he needs to make it to the top of the EDM industry.

“This is the beginning of a beautiful journey for me,” explained Stan earlier. “I’ve been looking for the easiest way to coast through life, so far I’ve been a writer, an artist, a photographer, a skateboarder, a jazz pianist, a trainee gigolo and a bum, but I’ve finally settled on being an EDM DJ-slash-producer and this home studio was the last piece of the jigsaw for me.”

“I’ve just installed the latest version of Ableton Live, that was available in 2001,” he said while taking the laptop out of a plastic carrier bag. “The best thing about this particular studio, as you can see, is that it’s completely portable. It takes about a half hour for it to warm up but when it does it’s a really powerful piece of equipment.”

“The sound system is really good too, a lot better than you’d expect from a ten year old laptop,” he continued after waiting around ten minutes for the Ableton to power up. “Even the little ‘do dooo do deee’ noise it makes when it turns on sounds exactly like a Martin Garrix track.”

“All I need to do now is learn how to use everything,” he claimed. “I’ve already bookmarked a few YouTube videos in the studio’s database so I’m going to check those out as soon as find somewhere with free WiFi, so hopefully I’ll be producing some EDM by the weekend.”

According to industry insiders Bang Crozby has been earmarked as “one to watch” in 2015 after he was heard whistling a very basic, but catchy, melody while tapping a pencil against a tea cup.

He is now expected to debut in the top fifty of this year’s DJ Mag Top 100 DJs poll and is likely to have a busy schedule during this summer’s festival season.