The world’s most recognisable doorman, and the President of Equal Rights for Bouncers, Sven Marquardt, has claimed that being a doorman opens all sorts of doors of opportunity.
Marquardt, Berghain’s chief of security, believes that a career as a doorman provides people with an array of life skills, leadership qualities and all of the ingredients needed to enjoy a prosperous and successful life.
“The idea of doors being run by big, burly imbeciles is long gone,” explained Marquardt earlier today. “Nowadays we’re seeing a completely different breed of doormen. There are some highly educated men working the doors in Berlin and all over the world. One of my best friends has a PhD in thermodynamics, he could have been a university professor but his passion in life in battering drunk English people so he took a security job in Magaluf where he’s living his dream.”
“We’re also seeing doormen going on to much greater things more and more these days,” continued Marquardt. “In American one in four doormen move on to have a career in politics after they hang up their black bomber jackets. They’ve had a black president, they’re probably about to have a female president, who knows, maybe someday they’ll even have a doorman president. That really would show the world that we’re far more than big idiots who are only there to ruin your night out.”
Recruitment executive Stan Croft claims that “bouncers are the new college graduates” and that multi national companies “are falling over themselves” to hire them.
“There’s real demand for people with security experience at the moment,” claimed Stan. “I really don’t know why, they all just seem like a bunch of overgrown retards to me, but what do I know? I just give my clients what they want and that just happens to be dumb apes at the moment. They’ll be back looking to have them replaced this time next year, I guarantee it.”
