Berlin techno DJ, Ben Klock, was today delighted to learn that his jawline has been named “the world’s straightest surface” by an esteemed panel of scientists expert in measuring “straight things”.
Mr. Klock, who was born with a very straight jawline that has been described in the past as “Blue Steel-esque,” said that he was “happy, but not surprised” that his jawline had been declared straightest surface because “although there is an almost imperceptible bend in it” that’s merely a result of light bending close to the line and altering our perspective.
“My jawline is something of a double edged sword, except straighter,” explained Mr. Klock. “It’s responsible for my rugged good looks and strong brow but, with it being so straight, it has created its share of problems, like the time Marcel Dettman hugged me and I accidentally sheared off his flowing locks.”
Mr. Klock claimed that shaving has “been a swashbuckling debacle” as his jawline is actually straighter than most conventional razor blades meaning they “slide right off each other in a shower of sparks” and that he’s had to resort to using laser hair removal in the past and even that “sometimes doesn’t work” as the laser bounces back off the jaw “sometimes blinding the removal expert and scrambling nearby communication devices”.
“Nina (Kraviz, Mr. Klock’s girlfriend) has actually cut herself numerous times when running her fingers down my face,” he continued. “If you look closely you’ll see tiny scars along her fingers. It’s gotten to the stage now where she has to use a reinforced steel mitten any time she wants to feel my face.”
Scientists have said they expect Mr. Klock to hold onto the title until more research into super materials like graphene creates a straighter surface and that the jawline fought off stiff competition from some of the world’s straightest things like Eyre Highway, Australia, the Tropic of Capricorn and that bulky bloke posturing his muscles in the mirror of every gym on the planet.
