Internationally known DJ and aerobics promoter, Benny Benassi, has mildly shocked the world today by admitting that he is haunted by the ghost of his long dead career.
Mr. Benassi, has claimed that he has gotten so used to seeing the spectre of his deceased career looming over him at all times that it has just become part of his life.
“I first started seeing it about three years ago,” explained a self composed Mr. Benassi. “The first time there was just this grey, wispy figure at the end of my bed. It was clutching a power tool in its right hand, making a knife-across-throat gesture with its left, and whispering something to me, something about a lack of satisfaction.”
“Observing that it was a gaunt, ghost-like figure talking about ‘satisfaction’, I just thought it was Keith Richards or Ronnie Wood, who come over to my house from time to time to borrow my jackhammer and power sander,” continued Benassi. “But it turned out to be something even more frightening than those decrepit old wraiths…It was,” he blubbered, “the ghost of my career.”
Benassi continued speaking as a crack of lightning lit the room, casting his face in scared ghostly light, “I’m haunted by it nightly. I wake up to whispers in my ear, just repeating the phrase I hope you’re satisfied.”
We asked the unsatisfied DJ if it the nightly apparitions are causing him difficulty and he answered very honestly, “Well I’ve basically only had two singles. So the spectre isn’t that large really, about the size and consistency of a Terry’s Chocolate Orange – one that is composed of equally sized segments of human shit.”
Other DJs who have stayed at Mr. Benassi’s house for “girly nights in” have reported hearing strange sounds coming from the basement throughout the night, with initial reports indicating that the sound of power tools and substandard electronic music being the two most common aural phenomena.
One witness to the horror, Fedde Le Grand, claims he saw strange organic material floating through the air in the kitchen and reached out to see if it was really there. Skeptics claim that Fedde Le Grand is famous for putting his hands up for detritus, and as such his reports should not be entertained.
Ghost hunters have now ordered Mr. Bennasi to reignite his career as much as he can by campaigning for DJ Mag votes and playing gigs in the hopes that the resurrection will exorcise the ghost of his career and stop the nightly terror.
