Music icon Morrissey today finally rescinded comments that he made which claimed that he knew how Joan of Arc felt admitting that, having never been burned at the stake in any way other than metaphorically, he actually didn’t know how Joan of Arc felt.
“What I said about Joan of Arc was wrong,” admitted an unusually contrite Morrissey. “I should never have suggested that I felt in any way the type of pain and hurt that the French heroine experienced having been burned at the stake, as I have never been burnt at the stake.”
“What I said about Joan of Arc was insensitive and wrong and I’m deeply sorry,” he added. “I’ve got no right to take my place with the human race,” wept the apologetic former frontman of The Smiths admitting that his “big mouth strikes again”.
The singer also took the time to apologise for having suggested that Joan of Arc had a Roman nose admitting that “it’d have been a Gallic nose before it melted in the white hot flames of Catholic justice” and not Roman.
Morrissey also accepted that comments he made about Joan of Arc’s Walkman melting during her execution were wrong and that Walkmen didn’t exist in 1431.
“I’d also like to apologise for suggesting that Joan of Arc wore a hearing aid, as far as I know her hearing was adequate even though she claimed to have heard the voice of God,” continued Morrissey. “I’ve also come to the realisation that someone who wore a hearing aid would have no reason to have a Walkman and that my statements that Joan of Arc owned both of these items are both anachronistic and contradictory.”
Morrissey followed up his admission that he doesn’t actually know how Joan of Arc felt by claiming that he was only joking when he said he’d “like to smash every tooth in your head” and “that by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed”.