South African DJ Black Coffee has shocked the electronic music community after he was pictured drinking a large cup of, what appeared to be, green tea.
Barry Greaves, a twenty three year old music fan from Surrey, England, claimed that he was “shocked and appalled” by the DJ’s actions and will need a week off work to recover from the shock.
“It’s well out of order that is,” an emotional Greaves told us. “I heard the breaking news when I was listening to the radio on my headphones while I was walking to work yesterday morning. I can’t even remember it if I’m being honest, it’s all a complete blur but I’ve been told I just went totally white and passed out, right in the middle of the road. Apparently, I nearly got hit by a truck and had to be carried home.”
“I woke up on my sofa a couple of hours later and I was convinced that it was all a nightmare, I was telling myself ‘there’s no way he’d do that’ and it ‘had to be bull shit’ but then I turned on the telly and I saw the pictures with my own eyes,” continued Greaves. “There he was, sitting in some shitty cafe, drinking green tea without a care in the world, I’ve never felt so betrayed in my whole life.”
“You just don’t know what DJs you can trust these days,” claimed the clearly distressed man. “What’s next? Green velvet wearing red nylon? Space Dimension Controller controlling some sort of land based operation? Feel My Bicep showing off their pecs? The Black Madonna being white? Sometimes I wonder if listening to house music is even worth it, and then I hear grime and realise it is.”
If you’ve been affected by anything reported in this article please contact the Black Coffee support line on 1800 44 44 44.