A bloke who selflessly decided to start doing the big clean up following a massive house party in a friend’s house has been rewarded with a medal.
Jack Thurnball, a 25-year-old part-time DJ and full-time partygoer, reportedly woke up before everyone else and started the clean up solo without even having to be asked.
“Some people, like Maceo Plex or Jesus, are born great,” confided homeowner Mark Hollis, who was in bed recovering from the night’s excesses when Jack decided to start the clean up. “Whereas others, like Churchill, Jade Goody and Jack, have had greatness thrust upon them.”
“By the time I woke up, the kitchen and the living room had been cleaned of cans and bottles, the windows were open to air the place and he was mopping the floor,” he continued, describing how Jack even took care of the disgusting jobs like picking out the ciggie butts from cans that had been used as ashtrays and sweeping up glass. “There was nothing I could do, he had done it all, what a legend, it’s like something you’d expect from Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela, although they’d probably make more of a song and dance about it.”
Jack has been quick to play down any comparisons to historically lauded figures claiming “it wasn’t a big deal” and that “anyone would have done the same thing in his place”.
“I’m no hero,” said Jack, “I’m just a guy who saw something that needed to be done and did it, don’t praise me, praise the real heroes – the drug dealers, DJs and promoters that make our parties happen. Without them, I wouldn’t have been in a position to do the clean up.”
Jack is to be given his medal, made out of bags of cocaine and weed wrapped in tinfoil and painted gold, at an exclusive ceremony in the back garden this afternoon, which will also see him being rewarded with a 6 pack of Desperados – the world’s best beer for sessioners.