A bloke who was taking acid earlier this week has claimed that he was able to see the Northern Lights, from London, in the middle of April.
Despite it being scientifically impossible, Robert Wiseman insists that he was clearly able to see the wonder of nature in the sky while partying with friends in Hyde Park.
“I don’t care what anybody says or thinks, I was definitely able to see the Northern Lights in the park yesterday afternoon,” Wiseman told Wunderground earlier today. “I’ve seen it on the telly loads of times so I know what it is I saw, to be honest with you the Northern Lights I saw was way better than the one they’ve got up there in the Arctic, the colour I saw were far more vivid and the patterns we’re proper hypnotic.”
“I would have sat there and watched it for hours,” continued Wiseman. “Unfortunately, I got distracted by a flock of dragons that were flying overhead and after watching them for about two or three hours I looked back and the Northern Lights were gone. I actually developed the power of flight myself a little while later and I flew all over the place trying to find them but they were gone, I reckon they only come out for a couple of hours every day.”
According to the former basketball player and world-renowned dingbat Shaquille O’Neal, Mr Wiseman could not have seen the Northern Lights because they do not exist.
“The Northern Lights are basically something corporations invented to try to make you believe the world is round,” claimed O’Neal. “It’s complete nonsense, solar wind, magnetospheric plasma and charged particles are simply made up buzz words to make you think the world is round and distract you from the real issues, like chemtrails and aliens.”
Shortly after the interview, Wunderground was surprised to learn that Mr O’Neal was not also taking acid, despite the utter nonsense he was talking.
