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Boiler Room London Closed As Several People Are Hospitalised

Boiler Room London Closed As Several People Are Hospitalised

Boiler Room London was forced to close this week during a set after several people were hospitalised.

The set started off as normal in the latest edition of the voyeuristic clubbing show with people in the background dancing unexcitedly to a combination of the music and the sound of their own smug self regard.

Things took a turn for the worse as the DJ played an as yet unidentified ‘fresh cut’. The track responsible, believed to have been number one in the Beatport Deep House chart that week, resulted in two men breaking each other’s hands in an uncontrollable spiral of high fives.

One eye witness said, ‘I was just tweeting my mates and taking selfies when the two boys started acting out. I thought they was fighting at first cause they were really high fiving hard. But they was just so pleased with themselves that they couldn’t stop congratulating each other.’

Events then became unmanageable as more of the audience joined in and became entranced by what doctors have diagnosed as ‘self satisfied hipster smugness.’

Dr. Whishaw of Great Ormonde Street Hospital described some of the other symptoms that can emerge with the condition, ‘People have presented with heavily bruised backs and sometimes even broken ribs from all the mutual back slapping, while another patient has been admitted into psychiatric care to be treated with a highly inflated ego.’

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There have been no deaths as of yet but a man with his head up his own arse is in critical condition.

The web streaming club night will re-open tomorrow with the health warning attached that people need to ‘get the fuck over themselves.’

View Comments (6)
  • Hipsters listen to Nicky Romero? Has the world turned on ear? Surely they haven’t run out of Bob Marley yet? I was assured Romero’s tracks were for real music connoisseurs! That, and he is starting to rival Armin van Buuren for popularity. Wait, do hipsters listen to Buuren? Oh, the travesty!

  • I have only watched a bit of Ellen Alien’s set there and remember the guy who was djing before her who went the extra mile as she started her set to patronisingly show her the controls and insisted in messing with everything for about her first 15 minutes. I am certain he was there and is actually personally responsible for this catastrophe.

    Wow are Hipsters really white supremacists bent on running a world cleansed of gays jews gypsies and the disabled. That is scary.

  • Obviously they are new Nazi’s as they look younger that the old Nazi’s who are getting on a bit, down in Argentina and in Germany. Unless all those experiments on twins and stuff made a great success with some anti ageing cream.

    I am not sure hipsters are generally so bad really. Lots of them are probably really nice.

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