Swedish House Mafia Reform To Record New Album For Noise Torture

Fans of EDM poster boys Swedish House Mafia will be delighted by the news that the band are set to record a new album that will be used in the noise torture of terror suspects.

Band member Axwell released a statement on the group’s website outlining the new project, ‘We’d always been massive fans of the CIA’s illegal rendition programme so we were delighted when we were approached by CIA director John O’ Brennan about making the album.’

O’ Brennan continued, ‘After the revelations of the Prism program we felt the CIA as an organisation had lost a lot of credibility with young people so we recruited the Swedish House Mafia to help us get back our sexy image.’

Steve Angello went on the explain the band’s motivation to make music that could be potentially used to torture innocent civilians, ‘We just want to do our bit to stem the flow of the Islamic jihad.’

‘Obviously we don’t view listening to our music as ‘torture’ per se but if it can be taken from the nightclub and put into that environment with successful results then I see no problem with that. Maybe it’ll help convert some fundamentalists to the values of Western club culture.’

One person who initially did have a problem with the recording of the album was the third member of the group, Sebastian Ingrosso, ‘I was really worried going in. I definitely had moral misgivings about it. But when I realised that our fans were apolitical, ill-educated, white people I knew that my revenue stream wouldn’t be affected so I signed straight on.’