Bottle Of Whiskey Kicks Shit Out Of Man

The London Metropolitan Police are reportedly looking for a bottle of Jameson whiskey in relation to a serious assault on a man on Saturday night.

Ian Jenkins, the victim of the vicious assault, reported the incident shortly after lunchtime on Sunday.

“I was in a really bad way when I woke up on Sunday, I was supposed to go round to my Mum’s for lunch but, needless to say, that didn’t happen.”

“I had to make up an excuse so I told her I got the shit kicked out of me,” he continued. “When you think about it, it’s actually true, I did drink a bottle of whiskey, woke up with a load of mystery bruises and my head felt like I’d gone twenty-five rounds with Mike Tyson.”

“I didn’t think the daft bint was going to go and make a police report and now, because I’m weak and pathetic, I’ve gone along with it. I had to make a statement and everything.”

According to police sources, they are currently seeking a “foreign, possibly brown, bottle of whiskey” for questioning about the incident.

Mr Jenkins has reportedly made a full recovery from his physical injuries, however, it is expected that it could take another four or five days before he is totally over “the fear”.

Please support Wunderground by clicking one of our evil sponsors below:

Comments 0

Bottle Of Whiskey Kicks Shit Out Of Man

log in

Become a part of our community!

Don't have an account?
sign up

reset password

Back to
log in

sign up

Join the Wunderground Community

Back to
log in
Choose A Format
Formatted Text with Embeds and Visuals
Upload your own images to make custom memes
Youtube, Vimeo or Vine Embeds
GIF format