Boy Racers Now Materialising Out Of Thin Air

Reports have been circulating through mainstream media of a car miraculously appearing almost out of thin air in a congested California high street.

The Car left flaming trails in its wake and set fire to, and completely destroyed, a local Starbucks before causing a 40 car pile up leaving many dead and hundreds seriously injured. The assailants in the car attempted to flee the scene.

One of the felons involved has been described as a short, midget like, Caucasian male in a red body warmer typical of the vintage hipster look now popular in the area and readily available in stores such as Urban Outfitters.


He initially managed to escape through a coffee shop where his clothes allowed him to camouflage seamlessly with the over abundance of vintage patron. However his cover was blown when his lack of beard notified special agents of his whereabouts.

A police officer noted, “It was obvious that he was guilty, he was shaking like a leaf”.

The other assailant is said to have looked like a cross between a mad scientist and world famous DJ David Guetta. He was later apprehended near the scene of the crime.

The only witness on the scene, Griff, a professional gambler from the area stated, “Whatever happened it is simply irresponsible, the roads are so congested in California these days, an accident was bound to happen, these people need to be locked away for life for the damage they caused both to humanity and fashion. I was hanging out with my Granddad watching sports and placing a few bets when I heard a load explosion, then they ran towards me shouting hysterically before being tackled by a have-a-go hero.”

There has been speculation regarding the event after men in white suits and safety glasses cordoned off the area with a bio-dome. The scenes were reminiscent of the popular ’80s movie ET, some believe it might have be an extraterrestrial conspiracy, while others speculate it was actually an UBER App update malfunction which apparently allows cars to teleport, cutting overheads — but at what cost?

Boy Racers Now Materialising Out Of Thin Air

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