Group Of Bearded Hipsters Mistaken For “Massive Cunts” By NHS Gynecology Team
There were red faces all ‘round at a Center Parcs resort in Suffolk this week when a group of NHS Gynecology specialists mistook a group of bearded hipsters for a roving pack of wild vaginas and attempted to capture them for study.
Dr. Peter Lansing and his department were on a team-building weekend at the glorified Butlins, for people who think driving a Prius absolves them of genuine social responsibility, when the mishap took place
We spoke with Dr. Lansing, County Durham’s leading gynecological researcher, about the events leading up to the incident: “Myself and my team of specialists had been out orienteering for just over 6 hours, we were down to the last Kendal Mint Cake and tempers were getting frayed.”
“The only other food we had between us was a Pot Noodle but, not only did we not have any water or a kettle, it wasn’t even organic!” exclaimed Dr Lansing as he fiddled agitatedly with the zip on his Berghaus windbreaker.
“So we decided to split up into pairs and forage for supplies. We figured we couldn’t be that far from a bubble tea pop-up shop or a woodland Wagamamas. There just had to be some overpriced, exotically branded products we could spend our disposable income on somewhere!” continued Lansing whilst furiously tapping the Update Routes button on his Strava app.
“But then I heard Catherina and Jonty shrieking so we all ran to see what the commotion was about and there they were, a whole pack of them!”
“It would have been the scientific find of the century. Six fully mobile, fleshy pink vulvas, covered in hair and glistening in the morning dew, running around in identical R&S Records sweaters!” continued Dr Lansing, a tremble of excitement in his voice like a man who’d had a big dab anywhere between 45 and 55 minutes ago.
“We laid a trail with the last of our Kendal Mint cakes leading straight into the boot of our 2015 hybrid Passat, then, when the moment was right, we corralled the specimens into the boot, sprung all the doors and initiated the child locks via an iPad app!”
“Unfortunately for us it wasn’t the evolutionary pinnacle of the fairer sex’s genital, just a group of well to do vegan tea shop owners on a weekend retreat. It was also well past midday day and what we had mistaken for morning dew shimmering in the pubic regions was actually just a surfeit of argan oil reflecting the sunshine off their beards,” stated Dr Lansing with the sort of brow beaten despondency usually reserved for live Elbow performances.
“We could have made gynecological history that day, instead we had a five door hatchback full with six cunts.”