Broke DJ Would Definitely Consider Selling Out


A broke English DJ has admitted that he is at the point in his career where he would seriously consider selling out.

William Gaffney, aka Will.I’m.Not, made the shocking admission over drinks with friends on Saturday night.

We spoke to him earlier, “I always said that, as a DJ, my worst nightmare would be selling out and playing a load of commercial nonsense for rooms full of dafties, but that was all well and good a few years ago when times were simpler, and I was living in my parent’s house, but now I’m a bit older and I’ve got bills, I think the time might be right for me to swallow my pride.”

“I’ve been seriously looking into it,” continued Gaffney. “It’s actually not as simple as I thought when I was younger, I always felt that anyone could sell out, just like that, but I never actually considered how they’d actually go about doing it.”

“According to one thing I read, in order to sell out, you actually need to have made it in the first place,” he recounted. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’d already made it, why would you need to go and sell out? I always thought selling out was for lads who just couldn’t be arsed or were totally broke, like me.”

“I’m sure there’s another way to do it and I’m gonna keep looking,” added the DJ. “If I do happen to find out where I need to go or who I need to talk to about selling out, I’m ninety-nine percent sure I’m going to do it. I’ll do it begrudgingly but, to be honest with you, I just need to the cash and I hear the money in the commercial side of things is pretty good.”

According to Steve Smith, Mr Gaffney’s friend, there “isn’t a hope in Hell” that he will ever manage to sell out.

“Will’s problem is that he’s incredibly stupid and doesn’t really understand how the world works,” Smith explained. “He still thinks he’s a full-time DJ working part-time in a call center, when in reality he has a part-time job and an expensive hobby. He’s never made a penny from DJing, mostly because he’s shit at it.”

“He’d be far better off asking for a few more hours in work than spending all day searching the internet for ways to sell out,” continued Smith. “He still thinks it’s a thing you can just do. What a wally.”

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