Calvin Harris To Seek Medical Advice After Giving Rita Ora One Bladder Infection Too Many


Rita Ora and her DJ beau, Calvin Harris, have reportedly entered crisis talks in a desperate bid to save their flailing relationship, with sources close to the couple claiming the Glasgow born DJ’s appalling diet of deep fried Scottish cuisine has ruined their sex life.

“Calvin is constantly scoffing greasy bags of fish and chips then refusing to wash his hands before foreplay,” a close member of Ora’s inner circle reveals. “I can’t tell you how many urinary tract infections poor Rita’s been stricken with at this stage.”

“Unfortunately, Calvin is so set in his ways and steadfast in his refusal to expand his palate that UTI’s are just the tip of the iceberg,” the concerned source continues. “He likes to down plate after plate of scotch pie during intercourse and loves nothing more than to loudly belch ‘Awooga!’ into Rita’s open mouth as he climaxes. The poor girl doesn’t know what to do with him.”

“To make matters worse, he constantly refers to anal sex as ‘Finding love in a hopeless place’ and insists on deep frying Mars bars while he does it,” continued the source. “I’ve seen the grease burns on Rita’s lower back and buttocks and it’s no laughing matter. She’s at her wits end.”

According to eye witness reports, tensions between the couple finally came to a head during a Monday lunch date at renowned Beverly Hills eatery, Fig and Olive, when the long suffering Ora tried to get Harris to eat a Greek salad.

The livid Harris is said to have haymakered the salad bowl to pieces upon its arrival before throwing an “epic bitch fit” and fleeing to his car where he subsequently binged on battered Haggis and wept inconsolably for three quarters of an hour.

At Ora’s behest, the ‘Sweet Nothing’ hit-maker has since agreed to visit famed dietician and nutritionist, Dr. Connie Gutterstein, R.D. in a last ditch attempt to salvage what’s left of their crumbling romance.

When pressed for comment earlier today, Dr. Gutterstein had this to say: “I’m reasonably confident that I can help Mr. Harris cut down on his fried food consumption and gradually reduce his dangerous levels of Irn Bru intake, but it will be no easy task.”

“I just hope I succeed for Rita’s sake,” the good doctor added, “Urinary Tract Infections are a fucking nightmare.”


Like it? Share with your friends!

65
65 shares

What's Your Reaction?

Clever Clever
0
Clever
Bedtime Bedtime
0
Bedtime
Fail Fail
0
Fail
Lol Lol
1
Lol
Love Love
0
Love
OMG OMG
0
OMG
Afterparty Afterparty
0
Afterparty
WTF WTF
0
WTF

Comments 1

Comments are closed.

Calvin Harris To Seek Medical Advice After Giving Rita Ora One Bladder Infection Too Many

log in

Become a part of our community!

Don't have an account?
sign up

reset password

Back to
log in

sign up

Join the Wunderground Community

Back to
log in
Choose A Format
Story
Formatted Text with Embeds and Visuals
Meme
Upload your own images to make custom memes
Video
Youtube, Vimeo or Vine Embeds
Gif
GIF format