English electronic music duo, The Chemical Brothers, are set to appear on popular daytime television series, The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Their appearance on the show comes about after postman, Pat Rowlands, claimed to be the biological father of one of the band’s members, “I know I’m Tom’s father. There’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever. I’ve been shagging his mum for years. All you have to do is look at him to know he’s mine,” stated the postman.
Chemical brother, Ed Simons, also commented on the Royal Mail employee’s audacious claim, “Pat is definitely Tom’s dad, I’d know because I’ve known them most of my life. We’ve been telling people for years that we’re not actually brothers, it’s just a name we picked when we started out but people just won’t listen.”
“When Grenada contacted us about appearing on the show we thought it would be an excellent opportunity for us to finally prove to people that we’re not real brothers,” continued Mr. Simons. “We also thought it would be great chance to go and have a good old fashioned laugh at some of the pathetic cretins they have on the show. Where do they find these people?” He asked jovially.
“Myself and Tom also have a bet on as to how many times Jeremy will say ‘you should have put something on the end of it’. He’s such a tosser,” continued Mr. Simons with a giggle. “I think he’ll probably say it about six times but Tom reckons it’ll be more like ten times. He’s always aims high, I once seen him arc piss higher than his head in a nightclub toilet,” he added.
The DNA test results will be aired in a segment called, My Chemical Romance: Postman Pats Been Shagging Your Mother, in January of next year.
