Clubber Saddened To Discover That He And New Best Friend Were Not “The Same”


A Sydney clubber has confessed to feeling both “disillusioned and upset” after a night of heavy clubbing, when he discovered that he and his “new best friend” were not “the same.”

26 year old Ben Stacey had been enjoying the current Deep House scene around Sydney’s exuberant clubs when he happened upon a chance meeting that he thought would change his life. In the midst of the AGWA Boat Party on Sydney Harbour he stumbled upon inexperienced UK clubber Leigh Wood. After sharing a laugh and a joke over their matching Aztec print shirts and bumbags, they soon both realised something stronger was afoot than just a chemical romance.

“I felt this really strong connection with Leigh,” claimed Ben, “and not just due to the MDMA cap I had just necked. It was like meeting a long lost brother, and even though his accent made it difficult to understand a good 47% of what he said, I thought I’d made a friend for life.”

Underneath the Sydney stars the pair shared their hopes, dreams and plans for the future. They spoke of broken promises, how there were more questions than there were answers, and little secrets about themselves that they had never told anyone before.

“I told Leigh about the time I had been made to wank off the dog by my brother,” confided Ben. “I’ve never told anyone about that except Leigh…and now, obviously, all of these gathered reporters.”

Upon sharing their innermost secrets, the two men were “as one” according to Ben. After congratulating each other on finally meeting with hugs, handshakes and declarations of platonic love, they made plans to go out again the following night to really seal the deal on their new friendship.

The pair left the boat party in high spirits and decided to head back to Ben’s flat to carry on the bonding session. This is where things took a turn for the worse.

“Everything was going great until all the drugs ran out around 6am, then the mood shifted somewhat.” Ben continued pensively. “The conversation, which up till then had been magic, a veritable Top Trumps of chit-chat, suddenly became stilted as the sunlight began to appear through the cracks in the curtains.”

“We even had a minor argument about who should go to the shop to buy cigarettes,” Ben added. “I don’t even smoke.” “He kept talking about Jamie Jones and that ‘bear man thought he was sick’ and that he was ‘hungry for the powder’ or something,” explained Ben. “I wasn’t sure who or what a bear man was and I didn’t have any more gear to satisfy his cravings, so in my altered state I started to get ‘The Fear’.”

“In the end I became really paranoid about how things had turned out so I pretended to go to the toilet but actually snuck off to bed. I didn’t even have my usual post-clubbing wank in case he heard my gasps. I just hid under the covers, hoping that he would leave without any fuss.”

Ben awoke the next morning to an empty flat and a heart full of regret on what could have been. He realised that they definitely weren’t “the same” and in amongst the cigarette filled lager cans and empty wraps were a few tiny fragments of Ben’s heart.

“You can’t have everything in life, but I really thought Leigh was going to be a true friend till the end. I shared my soul, and drugs, with that guy. I guess we will always have those 24 hours together,” bemoaned Ben wistfully, “but the fact the heartbreaking fucker stole my last lump of hash really does take the biscuit.”

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Clubber Saddened To Discover That He And New Best Friend Were Not “The Same”

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