Claptone Set To Migrate South For Winter


According to BBC wildlife lynchpin David Attenborough, Claptone is set to leave his Berlin nest and migrate south for the winter any day now.

Attenborough has claimed that is only a matter of time before the DJ’s migratory instinct kicks in, which could spell bad news for any fans in the upper Northern Hemisphere hoping to see him for the remainder of this year.

“It is completely natural for a bird, or a DJ who thinks he’s a bird, to want to migrate south during the cold winter months,” Attenborough explained in his “off air” accent, which is a lot more regional than the one he uses on air. “They must go with their instinct to find food and winter sustenance, or in Claptone’s case somewhere nice to chill for a month or two.”

Sources close to the golden beaked DJ have confirmed that he has been eating nothing but Natural Confectionery Company Jelly Snakes, or “worms” as he likes to call them, in preparation for his journey.

Anna Fielder, a close friend of Claptone’s, spoke to Wunderground earlier today, “Clapper’s really been taking the whole bird thing very seriously this year. He always gets a little unsettled as the winter draws in and the Brent Geese are on the move but this year it’s a little more extreme, I think he’s actually ready to make the leap and migrate south this year.”

“He’s been walking around flapping his arms about like wings attempting to take off but I think, in the end, he’ll probably just book himself a flight to somewhere with a warmer climate until after Christmas,” continued Felder. “He still thinks that if he drinks enough Red Bull he’ll sprout wings, which is cool, apart from the fact that he wants some of his friends to regurgitate it before he drinks it.”

So far, Claptone has yet to comment on his winter habitat, however, the artist’s management has confirmed that Claptone always travels in a cage with a blanket pulled over it so no shows will need to be canceled this winter.

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Claptone Set To Migrate South For Winter

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