College students across the country are reportedly “ecstatic” about the prospect of “incessantly moaning” for an entire fortnight during the busy Christmas exam period.
Most students have reported that this time of year allows them to indulge in some “relatively guilt-free moaning” due to the stressful nature of exams and the concentration and commitment required to revise for them.
Some of the favourite pastimes that students like to engage in over the exam period include “justifiably telling parents to fuck off, drinking more coffee than is humanly possible, cancelling plans with the earnest excuse that you ‘really have to study’ and getting up at 6am to complain about having to get up at 6am to study.”
“For most of our student lives we’re viewed as lazy and shiftless chancers who sleep late and drink heavily,” explained 2nd year Arts student, Dan Baker. “And while those accusations are true we also have to do some work every now and again. One of those times when actual work is required of us is preparing for Christmas exams. For the record, going to the pub mid afternoon might not seem like ‘work’ to most people but try and do that every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and tell me it’s not tough.”
“It’s an opportunity for students everywhere to behave how a proper working adult would behave. And that means doing things like complaining about the stress of their workload and tiredly medicating themselves with wine every evening,” continued Dan. “Most students take to the moaning with aplomb and wait all year for the magical time.”
“For me personally I love nothing more than updating Facebook with a Check-In from the college library when it opens in the morning, and then updating again when I’m leaving the library later in the evening,” Dan explained. “Usually I’ll say something that’s a complaint and yet subtly references how hard I’m working like ‘Dark when I arrived at the library and dark when I’m leaving….fuck these exams.’ That’s one of my personal favourites.”
Other students claimed that they too are excited about taking advantage of the Christmas exams to “remind everyone that being a student is tough. For the few weeks around exams at least,” said drama student Jennifer Smith. “Sometimes people actually forget that you’re a student. If there’s a better way to remind people that you’re a student, other than using Facebook to gripe for two weeks before every Christmas, then I don’t know what it is.”
“I really hope all six of my exams are on over the course of the first week of exams,” continued Jennifer. “That way I can complain about not having time to study between exams but also ambivalently express gratitude that at least they’ll be over sooner.”
Some students, who are attending universities whose policy it is to have Christmas exams in January, are reportedly the most excited about the complaining possibilities that the exams represent.
One English Literature student claimed, “I love that my exams take place after Christmas because it lets me punctuate any offer to socialise during the Yuletide season with a wry reminder that ‘I have exams hanging over me. Like the sword of Damocles.’ My favourite part is explaining the Damocles sword reference. Sometimes they don’t ask, but I tell them anyway.”
Readers are advised to avoid students during this busy period by turning off Facebook between the hours of 12 midnight and 12 midday.
