A crowd of over 1500 people have had inadvertent laser eye surgery during Kraftwerk’s headline slot at the “Electrolite” festival in Schweinberg, Germany last night.
Initial reports indicate that the lighting designer installed the wrong lasers prior to the gig, resulting in free medical laser treatment for the lucky attendees.
One witness, who had suffered with myopia until her attendance, described the scene, “When I arrived I could only see about three or four metres in front of me, and not because the venue was full, which it was, but because of my myopia and blind drunkenness.”
“The gig started and they kicked into “Tour De France”. One guy beside me who was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I like bikes” went crazy, but the rest of the crowd understood that they were just getting this shit out of the way before they got to the good stuff.”
“Then, the laser show started and there was a collective gasp from the crowd. Suddenly, I could see everything clearly for the first time in about twenty years. My mates kept telling me it was just the LSD. ‘That’s what happens,’ they said. ‘You see the world in a new way, they said. But then one of them realised his vision had been cured too, and fell to his knees in a state of divine rapture, chanting, “All hail the Electro-Jesi”, which I think was meant to be the plural of ‘Electro-Jesus’. But he was on LSD, so he could have meant anything really. He then claimed to have Forty Forty vision. Take what you will from that. As I said, he was on Acid.
Kraftwerk refused to comment, however they did confirm they will release a concept album about the incident sometime this year. Provisional titles include: Laser Light, Twenty Twenty and most intriguingly, Werking 9 to 5, which some pundits believe is a veiled reference to the new Kraftwerk Laser Eye Clinic which will open in the coming weeks.
