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August 28, 2013
1 min read

Daft Punk Safe And Unharmed After Kidnapping Foiled

French House duo Daft Punk have been found safe and unharmed in the basement of Nile Rodgers‘ Beverly Hills mansion.

Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter (Daft Punk) are said to have been held against their will, by Rodgers, for over two years.

Mr. Homem-Christo spoke today, for the first time, about his traumatic ordeal. “We had a meeting with Rodgers in May 2011, he wanted to discuss the possibility of releasing a disco album with us. We refused point blank, we really wanted to make something new and not go backwards, we’ve tried to do that with all our albums. Rodgers was furious when we turned him down, he stormed off and the next thing we knew we were being bundled into the back of a van.”

Mr. Bangalter also opened up about the Kidnapping, “He didn’t hurt us but we were tied up and left in Darkness, it was horrible. We had no idea how long we were down there. The only contact we had with anyone was when we were given food and water.”

The discovery was made after city workers accessed Mr. Rodgers’ house, while he was on tour, in search of the source of a gas leak.

Chad Norris, a gas technician, spoke of his grim finding, “I went into the basement and the first thing that hit me was the smell. These poor guys had been living in their own piss and shit for two years, I’ve never seen anything like it. I called the cops straight away.”

Upon searching the house, the LAPD also found a sophisticated crime lab, which contained the blueprints for two life sized Daft Punk Discobot Cyborgs. They now believe that Rodgers replaced the original Daft Punk with these disco loving cyborgs in order to record the album Random Access Memmories.

Daft Punk are said to deeply upset after hearing the album, in particular the song Get Lucky, and plan on having it removed from existence as soon as possible.

Rodgers and the Discobots are still at large and police say they should be treated with extreme caution.

Graham

Graham

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