“Dance Like Nobody’s Watching” Says Woman Dancing Like An Absolute Idiot

A young woman from Bristol was reported to have said the now famous phrase, “Dance like nobody’s watching,” while dancing like an absolute fucking moron according to witnesses at Boxsweat nightclub last night.

Many witnesses have recounted the horrific scene in detail with one man, who has since had to be treated for a severe case of vicarious embarrassment, claiming, “It was like Fred Astaire in stilts on a treadmill. She was just all legs and elbows and wobbling jaw,” he wept before he broke down weeping only to be taken away by medical professionals who are expert in dealing with bad dancers having previously treated your Dad at a wedding, white people dancing to hip hop and any politician ever born.

Another witness described her as “like Elvis with Rickets,” and a third witness claimed she “was like an epileptic on a rollercoaster made of strobe lights.”

The entire crowd has since been treated for their vicarious embarrassment by way of vodka and orange, strong cigarettes and pats on the back.

According to friends, the woman in question, Miss Fanny Paxman, was known to use the phrase a lot, particularly when she was dancing in public. They have tried to stage an intervention on three separate occasions, however Fanny Paxman has responded by saying “I have interventions like nobody’s watching.”

Her friends have insisted to her that people are in fact watching. And not only watching, but staring at her wondering what the problem is. This has had little or no effect on Miss Paxman, and she has continued to dance like an idiot with everyone watching.

A doctor from the Bristol Institue of Therapy (BIT) has suggested an extreme technique which may cure her. The treatment involves getting Miss Paxman to stand in the town square while the entire town points and laughs at her for anywhere up to two weeks.  The doctor has claimed that, while it is an extreme measure, “It’s much better than allowing her  to dance like a fool.”