U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron has been rushed to a London hospital this evening after breaking his ankle while attempting a cretinous dance move at a suburban youth club.
The politician, famed for his unflailing commitment to the status quo and a face like a taut flesh condom, reportedly was goaded on by some children when the incident occurred.
“Some plebeian children were doing a deep house dance move that involved rotating one’s ankle and moving your arms as if operating a kite with the words ‘I’m dancing like a spastic dickhead’ emblazoned on it,” explained one of the leader’s largely unnecessary aides. “David motioned to me with a flick of the head that suggested ‘if these urchins can do it then so can I, get the camera.'”
The aide claims he was fumbling around for a camera as one of the children played a generic deep house track and the PM limbered up by removing his jacket and tie to seem more common and better able to perform moronic dance moves.
“He turned to the camera, made a smarmy gun point gesture and said ‘are you getting this’ before shaping up to perform the dance,” he continued.
“But unfortunately before I could even press play he’d already attempted it and snapped his ankle instantly,” he continued. “The last time I heard him shriek like that was when Boris Johnson pissed the bed at the annual Tory cocaine and sex party.”
“It just snapped it did, like the London rioters or a wooden, sausage ankle,” claimed a witness. “I never seen someone so terribly nonrhythmic.”
“It was like a giraffe on stilts stepping on a beachball,” added the witness who claims that almost immediately everyone was rushed out of the sports hall while the PM “called the children pissy-panted benefits scammers and cried loudly”.
The PM’s aide denies the claims that Cameron lacks the humanity to dance like a normal person and insists that the “dance floor may have been sabotaged by Ed Miliband spilling some warm piss onto the floor”.
“He won’t be attempting any more dance moves any time soon,” concluded the aide. “Unless the polls swing massively before the General Election, in which case he’ll smear himself in baby oil and pole dance on the cock of anyone who’ll tick Tory on their ballot sheet.”
“It’s a dance he’s done before,” he added.
