After the furore surrounding an image of David Guetta playing with the volume faders on his mixer down, an image which spread like viral Wifi wildfire across the net, you would think that he would be more careful about such obvious mistakes. However, this week, another image began circulating the net of him enjoying a gig with the volume on his mixers down all the way. The image has lead to denials, anger, frustration, press statements and memes.
The incident occurred during Ultra Music Festival in Croatia. A new level of irony was reached by the event organisers claiming in a tweet before the event that he would be playing “UltraLive”.
Nobody is quite sure what UltraLive means, however, many areas of the press are guessing that “Ultra”, in this case, means “Not”. Which is a radically new understanding of the world “Ultra”. This would, of course, change dance music history, meaning that UltraVox would contain no vocals, and Ultra Naté would not be Naté, whatever the fuck that is.
David himself has been insistent that he plays LIVE, which he spells with CAPITAL LETTERS to EMPHASISE that it is LIVE that he is PLAYING. Observe Guetta’s tweet below.
Guetta has made a statement via his manager and solicitor that he always uses two mixers. There is the one that everyone can see, and a secret one which is hidden under his hair somewhere, and claims that this is the one that produces sound. Supposedly this is why you can see him scratching his head for a large proportion of his gigs.
Members of the Djing community are wary of this explanation. One member, who wishes to remain anonymous because of his business connections with Guetta has said, “Even Rocc Raida was not that skilled. He could throw a sly scratch of his balls in there and make it seem like part of the act. But Guetta couldn’t mix an entire set with a mixer in his hair. No matter how luscious and well coiffed it is from his constant use of L’Oreal.”
Supposedly, Guetta is ready to sue anyone who claims that he does not DJ live. “A case of methinks the lady doth protest too much,” says our source.