Djing “legend” David Guetta is to be jailed for one weekend for abuse of the Social Welfare system in France. Reports that David was signing on and working simultaneously began circulating like a particularly floaty bit of poo sometime last summer when a witness described seeing “that mop from the L’Oreal advert” in the local welfare office.
The witness became increasingly suspicious as the weeks wore on, once seeing the man, who was later confirmed to be “that mop from the L’Oreal advert”, being followed by a camera crew shooting a L’Oreal advert he had not seen before in his extensive 10 hour daily TV marathons.
His suspicions were confirmed beyond reasonable doubt the day that Mr. Guetta literally signed on and worked at the same time.
Reports indicate that the “Superstar” “DJ” had brought a set of decks with him to the Social Welfare Office, and was playing a set at the exact same time as he signed his name to indicate that he was not working.
This raised suspicions in the Department of Social Welfare itself, which in Guetta’s native France, is known as L’Departement Du Welfaire Socialisme.
The Welfare Officer, a Mr. Crusteau Clementaud then placed a call to his superior, Mr. Jacques Frere, who informed local police officers.
It is suspected that over the four years of illegally drawing welfare, Mr. Guetta has earned a whopping €368.50 ($120.68 at the time of writing), which the court heard today he had blown spectacularly while painting the town in an orgy of passionate spending on “Hair products, blank CDs, exquisite French lingerie and Mars bars.”
Guetta stood trial today and admitted some guilt, however he disputed the idea that he had signed on and worked on the grounds he didn’t really work.
“I don’t do anything while on stage,” he said in his defense, and offered video evidence in the form of a recordingof him staring at the crowd from Ultra Festival 2014.
The court decided to have the defendant jailed for one weekend, “to make the world a better place, if even for a day or two.”
