Guinness, the people behind the Book of Records, has announced that this year they will release a companion book to their now internationally renowned publication. The book will be known as the “Guinness Book of Pre-Records” and will include record attempts that were worthy, but which did not quite make the cut for the Book of Records itself.
They have announced that this year’s book will include attempts at breaking such records as; “World’s Most Useless Trend”, “World’s Blandest Politician” and “World’s Most Annoying Person” which are all expected to be won by David Cameron saying ‘wasssupp’ to a variety of people who are unfortunately not from 2002.
In the running for “Most Useless Trend” are Twerking, Selfies and Bank Bailouts, while “World’s Blandest Politician” and “World’s Most Annoying Person” were both won by British Prime Minister David Cameron, despite Justin Bieber being in the running for the second category, having only fractionally less annoyance points than Cameron.
David Guetta almost made it into the Guinness Book of Records itself in two main categories, namely, “Most Needless Amount of Solicitors Letters Sent in One Year”, and “World’s Smallest Sense of Humour.” However, he was narrowly beaten in the first category by an unnamed (for legal reasons) leading Scientologist, and easily beaten in the second category, also by a leading unnamed Scientologist.
Not discouraged in the least by the news, Guetta has decided to pursue one further category in the actual Book of Records, which is “Most Ubiquitous Facade”. And many think he may win. However, some believe that Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber may just have the edge, appearing on every available free space in the Western World as they do. And this will see Guetta demoted to the Book of Pre-Records for his failed attempt.
“We hope that the Guinness Book of Pre-Records will someday be almost as important as the Guinness Book of Records,” said a drunken Irishman, who we later found out was a representative from Guinness. “We wanted to record all those who didn’t quite make it. Sometimes just trying is as important as anything,” he said while narrowly missing his mouth with another pint of the black stuff.
