In a surprising turn of events, French cheese connoisseur David Guetta was today voted the most influential woman in the music industry.
Guetta, regarded by many as the human equivalent of a baguette, was given the award at a ceremony to celebrate women in the music industry as part of International Women’s Day.
Never one to pass up a moment in the spotlight, a rather embarrassed looking Guetta accepted the award while wearing a longline t-shirt and speaking in an unusually high-pitched voice.
Wunderground spoke to the man himself earlier on, “It’s really strange, I wasn’t expecting this award at all,” he told us, seeming genuine for the first time in approximately fifteen years. “I think I fooled most of the people with my voice and this t-shirt but I’m sure there are a few who will have noticed my masculinity.”
According to event organisers, Guetta was voted the most influential woman in the music industry by a group of his peers, all men in their late 70’s, and beat off stiff competition from some of the biggest names in the industry.
Wade Kircher, a member of the judging panel and record label owner, spoke to Wunderground, “We think David is a well-deserved winner,” he claimed. “It wasn’t an easy choice, there was an awful lot to be taken into consideration and eventually we narrowed it down to four possibilities; Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and David.”
“After much deliberation, we decided that Beyoncé was a little too pregnant, Gaga a little too ballsy and Rihanna just wasn’t white enough so, in the end, David just seemed like the obvious choice.”
In related news, Caitlyn Jenner celebrated International Women’s Day by driving a Cadillac through a crowded shopping mall, at high speed, while blindfolded in an attempt to prove that women are less dangerous behind the wheel than men. We still can’t figure out whether or not she did.