Canadian EDM star Deadmau5 has today hit back at claims that his recent acquisition of a pair of shorts and jacket worn by David Hasselhoff on the set of the popular 90s TV show Baywatch was for a weird sexual fantasy.
The DJ bought the used items of clothing at a charity event last week and has since then come under fire for allegedly using the shorts to carry out unusual sexual games.
“I just wanna say that there’s nothing sexual about David Hasselhoff’s old pants,” asserted an angry Deadmau5, real name Joel Zimmerman. “There have been a lot of reports circulating that have claimed that I was masturbating with the pants, that I was seen sniffing them and smiling or that I’ve made sexual partners wear them while we make love, but none of these accusations are true.”
“Yeah sure I wear them while I jerk off, but that’s no different than any pair of pants,” continued Deadmau5. “Every pair of pants I own I’ve probably worn while masturbating, I’m a human male.”
An anonymous source has suggested that Deadmau5 has an obsessive fantasy involving a four baller with him, Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson during which their penises touch for a second while they’re making eye contact.
“I didn’t buy them in the hope that there would be some of Mr. Hasselhoff’s pubic hairs left in the fabric somewhere because there were no pubes left, I checked,” he continued angrily, waving the shorts around while becoming aroused. “They did still smell of ball sack though which was a nice touch because it added authenticity and not because of any sexual reasons.”
“Although it’s a pretty sexy scent,” he added.
Deadmau5 claims that the reason he bought the iconic underwear is simply so that he can “play Baywatch” whenever friends come over and recreate popular scenes like the one where they run along the beach or the one where they run into the water until at it’s at waist level then dive in holding one of those red float things.
“I’m just a massive Baywatch fan and wanted to own the shorts so that when I play Baywatch by the pool at home I can really get into the role of Mitch Buchannon,” confirmed Deadmau5 who says he regularly enjoys pretending to be the perma-tanned lifeguard. “My friends will come over and I’ll have them pretend to drown and then I’ll run in slow motion before jumping in the water and pulling them out for some heavy mouth to mouth resuscitation.”
“Playing Baywatch in another man’s unwashed underwear with a bunch of semi-naked friends who you full on kiss on the mouth isn’t gay,” concluded Deadmau5 who interrupted the interview to perform an impromptu rendition of the Baywatch them music while running in slow motion and displaying a large erection before ending our time with him. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got some Baywatch pants to smell.”
