A London based archaeologist claims to have discovered a “significant amount of dinosaur bones” during a recent excavation of the dance floor in the Ministry of Sound nightclub.
The discovery is being hailed as a “major breakthrough” and has confirmed the Ministry of Sound as the cultural home of clubbing, and perhaps all civilisation, in the United Kingdom.
According to the DJ Ross From Friends, this is the biggest thing to happen to dance music since “Darude released Sandstorm”.
“It’s massive,” he claimed during a chat with Wunderground. “Like literally, it’s the biggest bone I’ve ever seen and I’ve been to a barbeque in DJ Sneak’s gaff. I always thought that Barnsley was the real home of British clubbing, either there or Kidderminster anyway, but I guess now we know for sure, it was the Ministry of Sound all along.”
Archaeologist Ian Spencer claims the bones are approximately two hundred million years old and will now replace Paul Oakenfold as the oldest dinosaur in dance music.
“We believe this is an entirely new species of dinosaur from the late Triassic period,” explained Spencer. “We’ve decided to name it the Kettysaurus Wrecked and, judging by the evidence we have found, it appears that there was once thousands of these wonderful creatures wobbling around the Ministry of Sound dance floor.”
“The dinosaur bones are definitely the most intriguing discovery we made during the excavation but they were by no means the only thing we found,” continued the archaeologist. “This dance floor is definitely sacred ground, we already knew that it was the longest-running superclub in London but judging by our discoveries it’s actually been the epicentre of civilization of the entire world since the dawn of time.”
“We’ve also discovered the remains of a stone circle, including the actual stone Excalibur was pulled from, which suggests that this place is even more significant to our heritage and culture than Stonehenge, with the added bonus that there are fuck all hippies around here.”
Other artefacts recovered from the Ministry of Sound dance floor include; fossilised baggies, the earliest ever recorded footprint for a pair of Nike Air Max and David Guetta’s dignity.
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