DJ Boring has announced that he is going to DJ on a unicycle while being shot out of a cannon, in an attempt to prove that he is only boring by name, not by nature.
Sources close to the DJ have confirmed that he has “some regrets” about his choice of name and finds it hard to convince people that his sets and productions are “edgy and exciting”.
“I honestly don’t know what he was thinking when he decided to call himself DJ Boring,” Mike Barclay, DJ Boring’s tour manager explained. “I think it was one of those incidents where you think something is going to be hilarious but no one else really gets it, like farting in front of your in-laws or smacking your best mate’s bird on the arse, the joke just never landed for him.”
“Now, he’s having to do all of these publicity stunts to prove he’s not actually a boring bastard,” continued Barclay. “Last week he drank twenty-four pints of beer in forty-five minutes because some randomer in a nightclub said he was boring, he had to be airlifted to hospital to have his stomach pumped, he’s got a bloody wheat-intolerance for fuck’s sake.”
“Now, he’s decided to do this latest stunt where he’s going to DJ, while riding a unicycle and being shot from a cannon,” said the tour manager. “It sounds like a great trick and, if he was a trained acrobat or circus performer I’d say it was a great idea, but he’s neither of those things, he’s just a DJ with a badly selected name and a bit of a complex about being boring, there’s only one way I can see this ending, and it’s bad.”
According to DJ Boring, he will have no problem completing his latest stunt and plans on using the publicity he gains from it to launch the next chapter of his career.
“DJing, while riding a unicycle and getting shot from a cannon? Not a problem,” the DJ told us. “I’ve been doing this type of thing for years, not actually this, but I’ve got a bike and I’ve jumped out of a few things so I’m sure I’ll be fine. How hard can it be?”
“I want to go on the record here and make it official, after I complete this stunt, I will no longer be known as DJ Boring,” he revealed. “I am officially changing my name and, from that day forward, I will be called DJ Exciting.”
Experts are predicting that DJ Boring’s bookings will go up by approximately three hundred percent when he changes his name to DJ exciting, but will then return to their current levels once promoters realise he is still playing the same tunes.