Danny Dyer has today revealed that he is to release an autobiography of his life based entirely on characters he has played throughout his acting career.
Dyer’s career has gone steadily downhill since the typecast actor tried to become a DJ, a move which eventually broke down after his cheeky smile and use of cockney rhyming slang failed to materialise into any sort of musical talent.
Wunderground caught up with the actor to find out about his upcoming release, “I’m really hoping that this autobiography will bring me in some serious wonga. I’m totally fucking skint after spending all my savings on a Pioneer DJ set up.”
“The whole becoming a DJ thing was a total disaster mate,” admitted Dyer. “I thought all DJs done was stand behind the decks smoking fags and looking proper naughty, which is what I’ve built my entire career around, but it turns out that it’s not as easy as it looks.”
“I’m basing the book on the lives of a few of the best characters I’ve played in my movies over the years,” explained the Eastenders actor. “It’ll start off telling the story of Moff from Human Traffic, a cheeky young cockney tearaway who lives life to the full and parties hard.”
“Then it’ll do a bit of Tommy Johnson from The Football Factory; a very hard cockney football hooligan with a heart of gold. Before moving on to a bit of Frankie from The Business; a misunderstood cockney on the run in the Costa Del Sol in the 1980’s,” he shamelessly explained. “They’re all proper geezers so it should be a cracking fucking read.”
“Then I’ll finish it off with a little bit of Neil from Doghouse, Bing from Dead Man Running and Joe from Devil’s Playground. They’re all cockneys and pretty much the same character so you won’t even be able to tell where one man starts and the next finishes, just like downstairs in Berghain.”
The autobiography titled The Man I Should Have Been is set for a summer release.
